silly songs to solve problems on sunday

It seems our country’s opinion of Tupperware (the finest kitchenware) is in decline. The UK, shamefully, doesn’t even rank in the top 11 consumers, and five years ago, this great nation ceased tupperware partying.

In light of this shocking information, it seems Tupperware’s British reputation is in need of repair, it has, after all, been storing our leftovers and packing our lunches since 1946, when Mr. Tupper (Earl Silas to his friends) launched the plastic boxes that save our dinners.

The King Brothers – The Tupperware Brigade

Another thing in need of an image boost right now, is banks. Lets see if this helps:

Mike Sammes & The Mikes Sammes Singers – Westminster Bank

The main drive seems to be that the bank generates a whole bunch of swell friends, just like you. (And so logically – not a banker? You’re a wanker). A slimy advertising strategy I feel, but in case you needed any more persuasion to hop skip and jump to your new ‘friend party’ (a.k.a. the bank), some excrutiatingly posh kiddo yelps “they’ve got money too!!!” at you. Just in case you didn’t know what a bank was. So. To to kill the recession: reinstate faith in the banking system via a set of ludicrously catchy unsubtle advertorial songs from the 50s.

Need more aural Pleasure? If you ever felt like you weren’t ‘up to scratch’ in the bedroom, then you’re problems are solved from here on in dear blogger. Waxidermy extracted this throbbing member from an instructional LP, and dripped its soothing, sexual sounds upon the pert chest of the blogosphere. To quote: “I want you to take, and receive your pleasure, from my penis”

The Pleasures of Love

Foreplay it seems, need only last 3.13 minutes, and you’re in. It ends at a rather choice moment, and I’m afraid that if you do need the rest, you’ll have to track down the LP, but hey, at least you can do it under the guise of library music geekdom, and not as the hopeless pervert you really are.